Fat Friday.... have you ever seen the movie "Groundhog Day"?

I'm not even gonna bother with the stats this week... just refer to last week if you want to see because I stayed the same.

I am neither discouraged or motivated. I guess i just feel like I wish I could hurry up and get to my goal already!

Maintaining my weight seems easy.... I wish I was there already!!!

I need a serious shot of motivation, what was i doing this for again? What was it that helped me lose so much weight so quickly before the holiday's?

• I felt weak and frail after having Daniel. There were some complications and I was in bed a lot for about two weeks. I never wanted to feel that weak again.
• I couldn't find any clothes I liked, even if I liked the outfit in theory.. putting it on was a reality check that nothing looked good on me.
•  I couldn't keep up with Tommy and Bella. I had zero energy. I got winded doing nothing. My mom had more energy than I did.
• I was embarrassed for my husband... I wasn't the same person he married. The man is a saint and would never say anything like that but i knew it wasn't fair to him.

That is sad to write... I remember what that felt like, it was awful and I will never go back. Now the problem... and the victory :) is that all those things are past.  I don't feel weak anymore, I feel much much stronger. Right after i had Daniel I tried to do palates or walk on my treadmill and it was killer. Now the same workouts are much easier. I have way more energy now too. I have lots of clothes i like and I have thrown lots of clothes away that were too big! Of course I still have my days when I like nothing I put on but now its just sometimes, not all the time. And last but not least, I am literally the same person I was when Tom and I got married. I weigh the same now as I did on that May day in 2005  :)

It sounds like I've arrived doesn't it? But I haven't, If i had then I would be content. And I'm not.

• I want to be the same size I was in college when i met my husband, not just when I married him. And I want to wear my favorite "button fly jeans" just once more even though they are thread bare and have 6 patches already. (I could probably be fined for indecent exposure if I wore them in public... it would be worth it!)
• I want to be able to say that no matter what my weight, i am stronger and healthier than I have ever been.
• I want all the clothes in my closet to be one size and I want to maintain that same size permanently, right now I have clothes for now and clothes for later. I hate seeing the perfect skirt on Sunday and knowing it doesn't fit yet. I want to be done with that.
• I want to feel comfortable in a bathing suit.... stop laughing, I think it might be possible.
• I want to have another baby and know when I do that I am as healthy as possible.
• I want (on a slightly silly note) for my belly button to go completely inside out next time I'm pregnant. This probably seems ridiculous but I don't care... its true... its what I want... in my warped little mind it is a sign of "thinness" even in the midst of "hugeness".

So there you have it....wish me luck! I think I'm on the right track now!!!

(my mom just called and I turned down a Big Mac... *sigh* .....)