Nipple Confusion...

I told Tommy yesterday...

"I love you more than the sun... and the moon.... and the stars!"

He gasps and whispers in awe,

"How long is that!?"

 A few nights ago Isabella went into her room to pray with Daddy and he was laying on her bed waiting.

He says, "I love this bed.... you know this used to be Daddy's bed?"

Bella is confused,

"My bed?"

"Yep" said Dad, "This was my bed when I lived at Grammy and Grandpa's house"

Isabella thinks for a minute and says,

"Did you wear my clothes too?"

I assumed this was Isabella's most recent attempt at being funny...

"Daddy? Do you take your nipples off when you go to bed?"

We laugh and thought she was just being silly... 

The next day she refereed to my bra as "mommy's nipples"

Now I'm just confused... 

does she know what nipples are?

Does she think Daddy wears a bra?

What am I missing?

And I swear this one is saying his own name... 

or maybe I just need to take a long nap and an extra strength tylenol.

It sure sounds like Daniel anyway.

"Naniel.... Naniel...."

 And at the ripe old age of 15 months he has finally learned to walk!!! 

This might be a record for our kids, Bella was 17 months and Tommy was right around this age too.

I'll have to do the math to see who gets first place.

 And someday maybe I'll figure out how to post a video to showcase his cuteness.

Till then... more packing.....

Pray for me people!!!

 ... and yes I know he needs shoes, I have since gotten him a pair, $2.99! I love thrift stores!!!

 

Unplugged

I've been missing in action lately for a lot of random reasons but here is one...

We are preparing for the big family vacation we take every year with my husbands whole family.

As much as I'm looking forward to it.... the closer we get to leaving the more all I can see is the list of things

I need to do and pack before then.

You see we are going camping and we stay in a cabin near a state park... 

not in a hotel with maid service as I was raised with on "vacation"

Honestly when I first went along with my husband on this trip the year before we got married I couldn't understand what it was about it exactly that made it a vacation.

No maid service, 

bring your own sheets even....

no eating out except on the drive there and back...

unless you count eating outside...

 there's all sorts of wildlife, and often they find their way indoors, 

every year we have a bat fly through the cabin at least one night

*shudder*

 Generally speaking this trip is a lot of work.

there are around 20 to 25 people to feed at every meal.

And with that number of people and two bathrooms getting a shower involves either getting up very early, or bargaining with whoever called dibs before you.

and the noise, 

and the short nap times, 

and the early mornings, 

and the late nights, 

they can quickly start to put you into a cranky mood.

So why do I love it?

First and most importantly we are all together.

 Just being, sitting, talking....

playing...

together.

Second there is no television...

no computers or internet...

none of the usual distractions that keep us in our separate little worlds.

For entertainment you can either read a book... which we do often,
or you can go find someone to ride a bike with,
play cards with,

or go for a walk with...

with.... again its all about together.
totally unplugged.

At first I admit this seemed more like a punishment.
But now that I've "seen the light".... I try to make our life at home more like this.

I usually fail, but at least I try....

Third there is the food...
ice cream is everyday...
for breakfast on the last day because we have to eat the leftovers or leave it, so we put it on top of waffles.

Or make milkshakes for the road.

We have a big breakfast made by grandpa everyday.
There is something so awesome about breakfast cooked outside on a fire.
You can't get it to taste the same any other way.

Tom's Chili.... yum
Also amazingly cooked outside on the fire.
Is this normal? Am I just really sheltered?
Or easily impressed?

Then there are the random moments that turn into the lasting memories...

This chair was regularly fought over by these three...
this year I have three chairs...
however now there will be 7 preschoolers and toddlers....
just can't keep up I guess.

This is how we dry clothes...

and this is how they treat us in-laws....

Better than they treat each other sometimes....

I love to see Tom hanging out with his brothers.
They were young when we got married and he moved out, so this is like making up for lost time.

And some of them are still pretty young and in need of some quality time with the family all together.

flash light tag is taken very seriously by some.

posing for pictures.... not so serious.

So there is our week in a nutshell...
and now I'm excited once more,
but I probably should go check something off my to do list...
which will make my head start spinning again...
but that's Ok cause in a few short days I'll be sitting by a fire eating smores and enjoying life.

So until then I'll just keep coming back to re-read this,
and look beyond the packing to all the fun memories we have yet to make.

Thank you Lord for Chocolate and Nap time..... and Please Help Me Not to Kill My Dog. Amen.

Tom has had to work late the last two nights...

On Tuesday he worked from 6am until after midnight.

On Wednesday he made it home just in time to see the kids for twenty minutes before bed.

That means today I am overly tired, 

cranky,

lonely for my husband 

and could very well lose my mind even under the best circumstances.

As I write this it is 2:00 in the afternoon and already I feel I have had a full days worth of irritation....

Oh wait here we go again... my computer just crashed,
Thank you Lord and blogger for the auto save feature
anyway I'm back to complain some more, aren't you lucky.

So this morning the baby cried for a bottle just before seven.
I went in, changed him and gave him his bottle and he settled back down
for what I guessed would be and hour to and hour and a half,
so rather than be productive I took my pregnant butt back to bed.
But first I let Jack out of his cage,
because if I don't he would be crying for me before anymore kids needed me.
And then I'd have to get back up...
and then I'd be angry....
and I might hurt myself kicking Jacks cage.

So my thought pattern went something like that and since lately Jacks destructive nature has been oriented towards wooden furniture...
specifically antiques..... I thought I would hear him if he chewed anything in my room.

my dear father in law would say "you what"
I thought..... "well that was your first mistake."

very helpful Dad thanks.
Anyway today Jack did not go for the piano leg,
or the antique sofa,
or Toms grandfathers dresser,
no today Jack made the quilt my mom bought me before my wedding look like a poncho.
big hole.... right in the middle.

So as a soon to be mother of four,
grown, rational, non-materialistic woman,
what do I do?

I burst into tears and spend the next fifteen minutes crying to my husband on the phone

while trying to get the kids in the car to go to my mothers.

So I'm buckling Tommy in the car and I slide over on the middle seat to get Daniels buckle and guess what?
I slide to far and fall out the door of the van, scraping my shin and dropping the phone...
accidentally hanging up on Tom but not before screaming in Toms ear.

Now I'm crying even harder.... and Tommy keeps saying "Mom? why's you's not happy?"
And I show him my boo boo and tell him what Jack did.

Get in the driver's seat and call Tom back to cry some more
and tell him I'm gonna castrate this dog myself if we don't figure out how to stop him soon....
Tom thinks this will make him fat and lazy.
I am not a vet, I don't know.... but I know I loved that quit.

Soon Tommy is saying "mama!? see that big truck? Are you's happy now?"

In Tommy's world its the little things that make it all better,
like dump trucks and Diego.

So I'm gonna take a lesson from my toddler and go watch a  good movie and eat some ice cream.
And maybe Google about quilting for beginners....

Joy

I've found that when I don't write for a long time eventually its like I get full to capacity of thoughts and emotions and pretty soon I find myself sitting here in the middle of the night...

when I want to be relaxing, 

when I should be sleeping, 

but instead I'm pecking away at these keys... trying to empty my head and my heart of some of its emotion.

Today was a weird day,

I started out truly deeply content and happy with everything that is 

and everything that's on the horizon.

One of the contented sighing kind of moods, like after a big homemade meal.

Where every song that comes on the radio is your favorite and fits your mood exactly.

Then slowly I realize that I'm the only one feeling this way.

That everyone else I love and have spoken to is having an awful time for one reason or another.

And I'm helpless to give them any comfort.

It's like watching a play and every person in it is suffering.

And they don't know the whole story because they are in the midst of it,

but I do because I'm watching it unfold.

I hate when the people I love most are unhappy, 

I dread the day my children are grown mostly because right now their trouble are small and simple,

but I know one day they will be real and I won't be able to kiss them away.

I feel like if I could just show them, just step into their role for just a minute then maybe I could help.

Most likely I couldn't, 

really there is nothing to do but pray and try to keep my joy, and hope that its contagious.

Right now I'm going to try to find joy in these last few days of summer.

He did this on his own :)

I'm going to enjoy a few more dips in the pool before the end of the season, 

and a couple of impromptu trips to the lake.

I'm going to memorize and document and enjoy the cute faces...

and silly things..

and new experiences...

And at the same time I'm going to look forward to camping and bonfires 

and the crunch of leaves under my feet.

to long walks on cool days and seeing the beauty of fall painted across the hills.

that's Nana and Pappy taking the whole neighborhood for a walk.

I'm looking forward to time spent with family

and lots of baking and sweater wearing...

Summer was good, fall will be good too, 

we will find joy in the Lord

in each other,

in the anticipation,

in the little things.

“To love at all is to be vulnerable.

Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. 

If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, 

not even to an animal. 

Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; 

lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness.

But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change.

It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”

~C.S Lewis

This is What a Nervous Breakdown looks like.....

I am listening to my freshly bathed, sweet smelling, pajama clad babies in the living room 

quietly watching Cailou.

Cailou is asking his mommy when its going to snow, she sweetly says 

"soon.... do you want to bake some cookies while we wait?"

So they bake, then the snow starts.... Cailou wants to go outside... mommy says joyfully "of course!"

I hate Cailou's mommy today.

She is giving me a complex.....

Here I sit at the computer after one of the most challenging days of my life... ever.

Today when the kids asked me about the rain stopping or starting for the millionth time 

I did not respond in a manner that conveyed love... but rather exasperation and annoyance.

 I lost my temper about a thousand times today when they forgot to share...

or started screaming in unison just for fun....

or hurt themselves wrestling on the couch after I told them to stop.

Actually that last one really gave me a strange kind of smug satisfaction.... I was that fed up.

There was zero sympathy but don't worry I faked it in between the "I told you so's"

As I write this I am contemplating the dangers of eating raw cookie dough when pregnant because I lazily bought the pre-made stuff and now I don't even have it in me to put in on a cookie sheet and bake it.

I have reached a new low....

What brought me here? 

The baby got up early,

both boys wet out of their diapers and the beds needed stripped and cleaned.

Isabella had an upset stomach and our bathroom required lots of lysol... twice.

We were out of milk and bread so a trip to the store was iminent.

The baby was cranky (from getting up to early) so we had to wait to go shopping.

I realized during morning nap that it was raining in my open car windows.

I called my sister for emergency back up and she mercifully let me go to the store alone.

I braved walmart..... with a wet butt.

the woman in the check out line in front of me had a disney character tattooed on her neck, 

I once again question the sanity of society at large.

I go to the McDonald's drive thru... always a treat.

Get home... feed kids and sister, who have torn the house apart.

Its OK it was so worth it.

Get kids to nap late after much screaming.

Nap is cut short for various reasons involving Isabella.

Make a nice supper for Tom and the kids since he should be home early for the first time in a while.

In the end the kids and I eat alone and he is actually over and hour later than the normal time.

That would be a half hour before bedtime.

I will now go read my bible and eat cookies (that will be baked) and try to take deep breathes.

Hopefully the feeling of seething hatred for Cailou's constantly patient loving and attentive mommy will pass.

If not I will try to picture her at her worst... 

in labor swearing at anyone who is in earshot.

Fighting with her husband over bills and work schedules.

Telling everyone its "breakfast for dinner"... get your own cereal.... pop tarts if your feeling fancy.

Eating raw cooking dough crying in the bathtub....

Not that I have ever done any of those things.

The Farmers Wheel

This is what the last week or so have felt like to me....

one big crazy blur...

please stop the ride I'm going to be sick.

We had fun... too much fun for one long weekend.

It's going to take awhile to process all this, here is what we did.

Went to the annual farm show, 

went to the annual family day at Idlewild park,

went to my moms to visit my Chicago cousins,

twice... once Friday night, and all day Saturday for a picnic,

went to church then to another cousins big birthday party.

Then we came home and collapsed on the pile of dirty laundry... it was ironically convenient.

The silver lining around the cloud of exhaustion and pandemonium is that

one... we made lots of good memories, and a few that we will eventually laugh about I'm told.

two... I have a weeks worth of blog posts and cute pictures.

and three.... I have learned more about my kids through this insanity.

For example If Tommy misses his nap he is not only very emotional but also he suddenly has 

NO bladder control. 

Isabella is always onto the next thing in her head before we have even begun to to the current thing.

I must learn how to break her of this, she is missing all the fun

In this case she is waiting for the merry-go-round to start and asking about the fun house she just spotted.

And Daniel really is lactose intolerant! I've been messing with his diet for weeks and yesterday I had a "duh" moment and gave him some mac and cheese at the birthday party.

I've paid for that mistake four times today.

But I'll spare you the pictures of his messy diapers and instead show you what he thinks 

about the merry-go-round.... an hour and a half after bed time.

He cried and cried and cried, then it started spinning and he started blinking a lot...

I'm just glad he didn't puke.

Alright back to the fun stuff....
I'll go in order and write about the Farm Show first.

This is why we Had to go....

Isabella loves the "Farmers Wheel" and has been asking about it for months.

Lord only knows where she comes from, 

I hate heights and so does every one in my hard working eastern European lineage....

I blame the French in her.

But I am trying to spare her my neurotic tendencies so I bit the bullet.

this is Nana, my Mom waiting with Daniel.... she is not happy about this ride.

Tommy rode with my sister and our cousin Andrea, this is the best photo I could get :(

You can't tell but that is Nana on her knee's next to the stroller

She did this last year too.

She claims to be unable to stand upright while we are stopped at the top.

I know how she feels though I don't like it either.

Did I mention that this same ride has been here every year as long as I can remember?

Things this big should not be mobile.

Tom has to keep me calm and remind me to look at the camera...

Ok enough fun for one night... we got stopped at the top twice.

For a lllooonnnggg time... shudder, wince, moan.

Andrea said I seemed better that my sister Julie, she was praying audibly and often.

I was no better really, I think just have more faith....

in God that is not the carnival guys and rusty old rides.

There are no atheists on Ferris wheels.

More mayhem later....