I Resolve...

To write more about my children.
So tonight I begin with Vivian. Oh my dear sweet insane Viv....

The above picture is the last hot day of the summer of 2012 that I can recall.
We went to see Daddy and Grandpa at the house they were working at.
You were as you always are... wild.

Queen of your own castle... Dancing to your own beat... and beating on kids twice your size.
Is it wrong that I am quietly sooo amused when you are able to knock over your older siblings?
It is... but I don't care. You go girl. The world is a tough place, you are tougher. 

But you are also very affectionate. Especially with your Daddy.

 In fact you maybe the most cuddly toddler I have ever had... which is so the opposite of what your gogogo personality would say you ought to be. That is what I find so amazing about you baby. You are never what's expected.

You go missing for a few minutes and I find you have either:

gone upstairs to eat the drywall that is everywhere in the midst of our bedroom remodel.

gone to the boys room to get armpit deep in the fish tank to terrorize the fish and eat seaweed.

gone to the door and somehow gotten your brother to open it so you can go out in the snow in pj's.

Never a dull moment with you sweet wild one.

In the five minutes before Tommy's birthday party began this year we were frantically cleaning.
Some genius decided to have it on Sunday after church.... yeah.

So the house needed a quick pick up and you somehow got lost in the shuffle and ended up in the mud room... aka the forbidden room of non Vivian approved objects.

Your Father found you there and informed me that you had eaten three sticks of gum, still in wrappers.  I was amused but not at all concerned...
 then he said that his drill bit was also missing.
He was clearly concerned and said you could have swallowed it easily...
Panic... drama... five minutes of searching and asking you fruitless questions like
 "Vivi where is IT?".
 Imagining pulling out to go get x-ray's just as a whole house full of people pull in.

 Finally I said "She had gum... she must have been in my purse! Check the purse!"
Drill bit recovered... in the depths of my oversized purse.

This is just a small snapshot of what we go through with you sweetie.
May you have four just like you.
I will not babysit.
Ok I will but I will laugh as I send them home riddled with sugar.... 

Making a list...

Hall's decked... check.

Attend adorable Christmas recital.... burst with pride.... check

Make obscene amounts of cookies... check.

Break expensive marble rolling pin handle moments after telling Bella it will be hers one day.... check.

Keep track of insane sugared up toddler.... mostly check. 

Have first grader address Christmas cards... call it "school work"..... Check!

Do actual school also... Check

Play in the snow till it hurts... Check

Make memories.

Share laughter.

Celebrate and savor childhood... Check.

 

Tonight

I sit in the glow of the Christmas tree and candlelights.
I should be watching "It's a Wonderful Life" and meditating on that sentiment....
Instead I am watch the news and wondering why God allows this sort of tragedy.
Why?
Yesterday (in a fit of frustration) I was questioning why I don't send Isabella and Tommy to school.
Wouldn't they learn faster? Wouldn't it be easier on me and Tom... financially, time wise?

Today I am holding them close and thanking God that I can cuddle them through there reading lesson on Monday morning.

There are no right answers.
There are no easy choices.
But there is the clear message tonight to hold tight to your children and be thankful for the right now that you have with them. Send them to school on Monday or don't... but hold them close tonight. 

Three Years, Five Years... the blink of an eye...

I started blogging three long.... llllooonnnngggg years ago.
It was Tommy's second birthday.

Today I kissed his five year old self goodnight.
I need a whole bottle of wine and a box of tissues to process that thought. 

Tomorrow he will become a teenager.
Next week he'll be learning to drive.
And before I know it his son will be five.
And I will look back at pictures of these days.
I am sure there will be sadness at what is past 
But I will see me in him and him in me and the future in it all.
The beautiful, blessed, bright future.

Where there maybe things beyond my control.
Where there will certainly be heartache...
 But where I am also sure I will find laughter.
I will laugh again as I laughed tonight while Bella said "Merry Chissssmasss!" with no front teeth.

I will laugh at Vivian bouncing and giggling on my knees... or her kids anyway.

I will laugh at Daniel and the whole role of toilet paper his son unrolled on the floor....

I will laugh with my husband about all our little inside jokes and about nothing and everything.

I will laugh at the days to come.... and hopefully through them too.

Tis the Season for the Gimme Gimme's

It was a bad day today.
We have had some pretty sick kids all week. Daniel was especially needy for the last four days.
He finally turned a corner yesterday and of course that is when Vivi decided it was her turn to channel her inner diva.

 I think it is teeth.... I always think its teeth... its not teeth she is just high strung.

Tom sensing my stress this morning sent me off to the grocery store by myself.
But just as I was leaving Bella begged to come.
I have been feeling like she is getting neglected by me lately. She is the right hand around here.
For example.... yesterday Vivi decided to finger paint with poo and I asked Bella to watch her in the tub for a minute while I went to assess the damage done in the playpen. By the time I came back she had washed her hair and managed not to send her into a screaming fit doing it.... she is a better mother than me.

 how demoralizing... how convenient....

Anyway I said yes to her request to come. And the gimme gimme's started in the car and continued through the whole long annoying trip. She has had a lot of spending cash lately and she has been used to being able to get a toy every few weeks with the few dollars she gets from random things.

I felt like all I did the whole time was say no and feel like a hypocrite. How can I teach her gratitude when I know I don't grasp the concept myself?

 So that is the question... and the goal of this holiday season. How to teach gratitude to the kids who circled EVERYTHING in the toy catalog.

How to make Daniel understand when he says "I just want everything that I want."
How to make Tommy quit whining when he doesn't get his way.
How to get Vivi to stop growling at everyone and taking everything that strikes her fancy.

How do I teach the thing I forget all the time... the difference between need and want?
 

Our whole summer in one post...

This summer we had our first dance recital. Hopefully not our last. It was adorable.

We swam and ran through sprinklers and got our first slip n slide... then our second when the first was ripped to shreds. Then the racing one when it went on sale. And when we got tired of the sun we go messy with markers and scissors and glue and made whatever we could think of.

All the Mommy's and cousins made a trip to the zoo with Grammy. This is me and some of the littles.

 

We also made our annual trip to Idlewild and the Farm Show.... and I had my annual mini breakdown on the ferris wheel.... Only this time I was justified because a storm was rolling in and I could see lightening. The height alone would do it though.

So there is our summer in a nut shell. Just in time for the holiday's. Oh yes and on last thing..

                                                      Vivian spent her summer growing hair.

Here she is in March...

And here she is now... with her mullet.

Now that I am caught up hopefully I can keep up!

Hellllooooo????

Each morning I am awakened multiple times by various people and animals.

First it is the baby crying at two a.m because she caught her leg in the crib.
Then it is the six year old at four a.m. telling me her hamster is keeping her up running in her wheel.
Did you know hamsters are nocturnal?
We only see her about twenty minutes a day while we eat breakfast....
or at four a.m...
smelly useless thing.

Then is is the husbands alarm at five thirty... five forty five.... six... six fifteen.....

and I don't dare complain because HE is the one who has to get up... not me.
I am just the only one who hears the alarm because I never got into the blessed deep sleep he did.

Well that isn't true either... often the three year old hears the alarm and takes that as his cue to come take Dad's place in bed. He likes to sleep sideways or ask constantly if its morning yet.
When he has had enough he pulls the "I need to go potty!" card and gets me out of bed way too early.

Some mornings though I just turn on the tv and let his brain turn to mush while I try to get twenty more minutes.

Soon however there are two kids and then three..... and then the arguments about who gets to cuddle on either side of me starts.
 I am very popular and I have unfortunately not evolved yet into my roll as a mother of four.
I still only have two arms.
 I am writing a book to refute Darwin's theory based on this fact....
that is what has been keeping me from blogging.

 That and a lack of sleep and Vivian's horrifying toddler-hood and homeschooling and general laziness. But I'm back... I hope... I'll try... oh well.

Is anybody still out there?