35 Weeks

Today I'm 35 weeks pregnant and that also leaves just 35 days till my due date.

I like when things are easy to remember don't you?

It is snowing again as I sit on the couch under my blanket while the boys are napping and Bella is having a snack and watching a movie.

I understand what people dislike about winter but this is what I love about it.

Its so predictable, so the same. 

We snuggle up, we take better naps (hopefully).

We bake and take longer to make nicer dinners.

After a long, crazy, busy, hot summer...

I'm always ready for a nice snowy stuck inside kind of winter.

Don't worry though, come April I'll be itching for spring.

I'm almost always ready for change, when I get down I like to rearrange the furniture, always have.

It drives Tom insane... but I'm under the impression that is part of my job description as his wife.

The one thing I'm not sure I'm ready for is this baby.

Let's rewind.... when I was Pregnant for the first time with Isabella it was the longest nine months of my life ever. I thought she would never come, and even after she was here I looked forward to every new milestone with an impatient tap of my foot.

I'm really only now getting over that with her as she nears her fifth birthday and I really see how the years have flown by.... and will continue to I'm sure, with or without my input.

With Tommy it still seemed to last for so much longer than just the forty weeks they claimed it to be, but I was busy with Bella and it did go by more quickly, even if it wasn't quickly enough.

I was anxious to see what a boy would be like too.

With Daniel It seemed both slow and fast, I was ready by the end but I enjoyed the months of pregnancy much much more with him than ever before.

This kid... well other that dying to know if its a girl or a boy...I think I'm never going to be really ready.
It's like I know what I'm in for all to well at this point.

I remember.... its only been about 20 months.

Sleepless nights of a newborn, combined with the early mornings of a toddler.

The feeling that I am always holding, shushing, or comforting someone.

The desperation to get out of the house and the inability to find the energy to get them all ready.

Plus if you do get out how do you feed a baby and occupy three other small kids in public?

Cause you know any trip worth taking is gonna be longer than the two hours between feedings.

But lets back up.... I'm not ready to leave the house with four kids yet... not even theoretically.

I was thinking yesterday about our breakfast routine and wondering how I will fit in a feeding around all that chaos.

Sometime between 7 and 8 am.

Hear Daniel calling from his crib and drag myself out of bed.

 Let the dog out.

Fill three sippy cups... find out who wants cereal... who wants graham crackers.... who wants toast?

Change Daniels diaper and clothes....

Let the dog in.

Send Tommy potty...

get out clothes for older children...

help Tommy in potty...

direct Bella to clothes...

direct Tommy to clothes...

help Tommy get socks on...

Get them settled in front of cartoons with breakfast...

feed dog...

attempt to feed self while repeatedly telling Daniel not to dump out his cereal...

I am picturing all this now with a crying baby in the background... oh and I don't get to eat either.

I am overwhelmed.

I know it will work out.

I also know it will be hard.

I know that most importantly within days we will have a new normal...

one in which we can't remember our lives before we had four little demanding bundles of joy.

Not knowing if its a boy or a girl has me thrown for a loop too.

Everyone who knows me well has the same reaction.

"I cannot believe you didn't find out!"

Yup me either.

And as a consequence I have only a bassinet, some white burp clothes and a stack of diaper to show that a baby is coming in a month.

Two large tubs of 0-3 month clothes are waiting next to the washing machine.

one boy and one girl.

I like change... really.

I just also like a plan, I like to know when and how change will come.
 but like they say, if you wanna hear God laugh, tell him your plans....

And I haven't yet gotten my fill of the quiet, slow pace of winter.

I'm excited... but I can wait just a bit longer.

Home

This weekend...

we rested and tried to kick these nasty and persistent head colds.

we said goodbye to two of Tom's little sisters who left for college.

we did a quick grocery run.

we watched movies.

we made milkshakes for sore throats.

we also made chicken noodle soup and tapioca pudding...

we stayed up late, and I slept in...

 thanks again babe.

when I rolled out of bed there were cinnamon rolls waiting hot and delicious.

That's the stuff happily ever after is made of people.

we played video games.

we watched really old episodes of Lassie and Cooking with Julia.

Surprisingly the kids were enthralled... even with Julia Child.

The oldest two asked if we could make bread like she was!

In case you think its all sunshine and roses let me set you strait.

we had our share of tears and tantrums.

when we needed to we had some quiet time in our rooms or a nice bubble bath.

solitude is good for the soul... and before long we were ready to play nice again.

At one point as we were waiting for bedtime to come and running out of entertainment and patience I looked at Tom and said its hard to go out with them and its hard to stay in too!

But bedtime has come and gone.

Everyone is tucked in and sleeping sweetly.

I'm relaxing to the sound of machine guns as Tom plays video games next to me... 

its an aquired taste, like classical music...

Now I'm looking at the calendar of the week ahead, and the to do list I'm making and thinking, 

If only everyday could be as hard as Saturday and Sunday...

You Know its Bad When...

I started by just vacuuming the living room because Tommy did a little dance on the goldfish crackers Daniel had dumped out.

Then I go motivated and lazy all at once and decided just to vacuum the hardwood in the kitchen and dining room because it was starting to look scary dirty and sweeping with a broom seemed just exhausting and way to hard.

Then I realized the chopping block in the kitchen was covered in crumbs anyway and instead of stopping to wipe them off I decided to simply use the vacuum attachment....

I vacuumed my counter tops people.

Don't judge me... I was once normal like you... oh how far I have fallen.

A little while later I spotted Daniel playing with a toy from Bella's new doctor kit.

It was a little syringe... and he had it in his mouth.

Rather than get up I sat and tried to decide if it would or would not fit down his throat.

I determined it probably wouldn't do more than gag him because the end was big enough to keep him from choking or swallowing it and I could use that to pull it out.

I decided that a toy that could hurt but not seriously injure him was worth the risk... 

because he was being quiet...

sad but true.

The next day I took the kids up to my room to put away some laundry and generally clean up.

I took everything I could up with me but about mid clean up I needed a cold drink and a garbage bag.

I really really didn't want to carry Daniel back down the stairs with me... he can do it himself but he wouldn't go willingly with Bella and Tommy still playing on my bed and I didn't trust him up there without me for any length of time.

At the time I was considering what to do he was playing with Jack in his cage, crawling in and out.

I will admit I briefly considered shutting him in it for just a minute...

Then I pictured it somehow going badly... finger stuck in bars, head scratched on sharp metal.

and what the news anchors on channel eleven would sound like reporting it....

I think I make my best parenting decisions this way.

I say to myself... what would I think if I heard about this on the news...

 So you'll be happy to know I choose the more sensible course of action...

 I put him on some pillows in front of the TV...

and instructed Isabella to "gently" tackle him if he tried to get up.

Imagine her confusion since I spent the previous hours barking at her to stop touching him. 

There was minimal screaming, no injuries,
and I got my drink without having to drag an angry thirty pound toddler down the stairs on top of my huge belly.

So what have we learned?

You don't want to eat in my kitchen right now?

I'm lazy to the point of endangering the children's welfare?

A dogs cage is not a play pen?

A four year old can be a short term babysitter, 

if you give her the power to tackle the child in her care? 

Yes... but no.... I would say the real take away is a mommy's gotta do what a mommy's gotta do.

Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Pregnant

I'm thirty-four weeks pregnant today.

That means six weeks till the big day... probably at most seven.

And really I will be considered "any minute now" pregnant in just three weeks.

...and I have pretty much done nothing to prepare.

Wait that's not true, we have bought one box of diapers.

So the child will not go totally naked.

Its not that I don't have the urge to nest... I really really do.

But also have a head cold for going on five weeks now.

My ob told me on Monday that I need to rest or I could have it until I deliver...

I nearly slapped him, that is possibly six more weeks! 

He swears antibiotics won't help, in fact I've already had one round so I kinda believe him... but still.

I feel like there must be something more he could do... like hire me a maid service and a nanny.

Or put me on bed rest or sedate me until I feel better.

Maybe I'm being a bit dramatic here.... but this really just plain stinks.

I would like to enjoy the last few weeks of being pregnant and only having three kids.

I'd like to sleep while I still can but I'm averaging only four or five hours a night.

 

If there is a silver lining its that I am seeing how much I am loved. 

My mom did some of my laundry yesterday.

My aunt made us dinner last night.

My sister in law made us dinner the night before.

thank you all so much again!

 

Plus when they aren't screaming or getting into general mischief the kids are much more entertaining

to watch than daytime tv... and cute too.

... but when they are screaming it sure makes it hard to sleep.

So pray please that I get better before baby number four decides to join us.

Maybe long enough before that I could get the house cleaned one last time, 

and get some gender neutral sleepers washed for the poor kid.

 

Happy New Year

Sitting on my big comfy couch, with my warm blanket picking at my laptop.

Tom by my side trying to find something interesting on netflix.

Kids tucked in bed and blissfully quiet.

Jack curled up at our feet.

This is how I will welcome the New Year.

If I'm doing what I love at the stroke of midnight, being cozy at home surrounded by everyone I love..

maybe it will set a precedent for how the rest of the year will go.

Tomorrow we will do what we love too.

Sleep in as much as possible... which won't be much I promise.

We'll then move our sleepy selves to the couch with blankets and pillows, 

and we will hand out bowls of dry cereal and put on cartoons until one of us finds the energy to cook.

We will make a big "breakfast lunch" of pancakes or french toast and of course bacon... 

always bacon.

After that the plan gets more fuzzy...

maybe Daniel takes a nap,

maybe I do too,

maybe we go shopping, or to one of the grandparents houses to visit,

maybe we won't leave at all because for a change we don't have to!

Probably we will end the day with a movie after dinner to help kill the time till bedtime with cuddling instead of wrestling.

I resolve this year to do more of this,

just being home with my family,

enjoying the ironic simplicity that accompanies this often chaotic life with small children. 

I hope what ever your doing that your New Year is as happy as mine.

Need to Nest

It was Beautiful...

It was exciting...

 and we have been busy and abundantly blessed for the last three days.

I couldn't have asked for a better Christmas for me or the kids.

And now its over.

And I gotta say I'm ready.

My husband has come to expect that every year on the 26th of December I will start figuring out how quickly I can get into un-decorating the house... once I find my window of time I hit it like a force of nature.

I love Christmas more than most,

I put on Christmas music the day after Thanksgiving,

but when its over for me... it's over.

I just want to get on with life as usual,

I want to do all the many things I've been saying I would do "after the holiday's",

I want some normal back.

We are not even 48 hours out from the big event and already I am itching to get this house back in order.

And if it weren't enough that I'm 8 months pregnant I have also been laid low by this never ending head cold,

   I thought I had kicked it a week ago but has come back for revenge.

 

I told Tom last night I feel like my "to do" list this year is twice as long because the baby is coming soon,

Meanwhile it feels like someone has cut off my right arm.

I can't take the tree down by myself this year,

forget carrying the boxes of decorations downstairs,

I an barely heft a laundry basket down there anymore....

So sadly my compulsive need to nest and clean is at the mercy of my husband.

The same man who tells me every year that his mom keeps her tree up till after New Years.

Six more days may just drive me to the edge.

The Gift of Christmas for Parents

I think I have figured it out.

Forget the commercialism and the hype that the big companies pump out the moment Halloween ends...

forget if you can the neighbor kids who will be getting the ipod, and the wii...

and the best of everything else too....

That is not what makes me want to make each Christmas "more" and "better" for my kids.

They each only got two toys this year at our house actually.

Two things they really wanted.... but still...

I mean more as in, bake more cookies, 

watch more Christmas movies,

wake them up when we forget to move the advent calendar... and that's no small thing people.

Its the fact that on Christmas day we get a special gift...

a rare perspective...

childhood is reduced to days instead of years.

Isabella is 4 now... so we have maybe 7... 8 more Christmases like this?

7 or 8 more days before these magical childhood Christmases start to fade into the calmer excitement of the teenage years. 

I am not sad that they will obviously and inevitably get older.

I look forward to having deep real conversations with them.

But on days like today when the road between then and now seems startlingly short... I want to soak it all up

do it all bigger...

hold them all just a little tighter.

Hold on tight and enjoy the days like these, they are too few and far between.

Merry Christmas.