The Farmers Wheel

This is what the last week or so have felt like to me....

one big crazy blur...

please stop the ride I'm going to be sick.

We had fun... too much fun for one long weekend.

It's going to take awhile to process all this, here is what we did.

Went to the annual farm show, 

went to the annual family day at Idlewild park,

went to my moms to visit my Chicago cousins,

twice... once Friday night, and all day Saturday for a picnic,

went to church then to another cousins big birthday party.

Then we came home and collapsed on the pile of dirty laundry... it was ironically convenient.

The silver lining around the cloud of exhaustion and pandemonium is that

one... we made lots of good memories, and a few that we will eventually laugh about I'm told.

two... I have a weeks worth of blog posts and cute pictures.

and three.... I have learned more about my kids through this insanity.

For example If Tommy misses his nap he is not only very emotional but also he suddenly has 

NO bladder control. 

Isabella is always onto the next thing in her head before we have even begun to to the current thing.

I must learn how to break her of this, she is missing all the fun

In this case she is waiting for the merry-go-round to start and asking about the fun house she just spotted.

And Daniel really is lactose intolerant! I've been messing with his diet for weeks and yesterday I had a "duh" moment and gave him some mac and cheese at the birthday party.

I've paid for that mistake four times today.

But I'll spare you the pictures of his messy diapers and instead show you what he thinks 

about the merry-go-round.... an hour and a half after bed time.

He cried and cried and cried, then it started spinning and he started blinking a lot...

I'm just glad he didn't puke.

Alright back to the fun stuff....
I'll go in order and write about the Farm Show first.

This is why we Had to go....

Isabella loves the "Farmers Wheel" and has been asking about it for months.

Lord only knows where she comes from, 

I hate heights and so does every one in my hard working eastern European lineage....

I blame the French in her.

But I am trying to spare her my neurotic tendencies so I bit the bullet.

this is Nana, my Mom waiting with Daniel.... she is not happy about this ride.

Tommy rode with my sister and our cousin Andrea, this is the best photo I could get :(

You can't tell but that is Nana on her knee's next to the stroller

She did this last year too.

She claims to be unable to stand upright while we are stopped at the top.

I know how she feels though I don't like it either.

Did I mention that this same ride has been here every year as long as I can remember?

Things this big should not be mobile.

Tom has to keep me calm and remind me to look at the camera...

Ok enough fun for one night... we got stopped at the top twice.

For a lllooonnnggg time... shudder, wince, moan.

Andrea said I seemed better that my sister Julie, she was praying audibly and often.

I was no better really, I think just have more faith....

in God that is not the carnival guys and rusty old rides.

There are no atheists on Ferris wheels.

More mayhem later....

Daddy at Dusk

Why am I sitting here blogging and yawning incessantly when all I want to be doing is sitting in my freshly made bed with a big bowl of popcorn and a cold drink?

 

Why?

 

Because the lovely little people in my life do adorable things, 

because the love of my life is the best father I could have imagined, 

because I want to remember these beautiful summer evenings forever.

 

Even when Tom is dog tired...

like got up at 5 a.m.

Drove and hour and a half to get to work a 9 hour day in the hot city...

Then drove and hour and half home to find an exhausted wife....

who's pitiful excuse for dinner was chicken nuggets and mac n cheese. 

He still finds the energy to show his kids he loves them.

 

One week and one day ago they planted these...

I realize its probably way to late in the season for sunflowers, 

but it was something I had planned to do with them months ago and never got around to. 

 

So no matter if they get as big as they should.... 

"we will grow something" Daddy said last Sunday.

They outgrew the little window pots in just a week.

Really they are perfect for preschoolers to grow because of the instant gratification.

They were so excited because they could really see the progress everyday.

And tonight it was time to transfer them outside.

So Daddy.... being the overachiever that he is.... decides we must build a flower box,

And those that do not work will not eat, so everyone must help.

 

Plus work is still fun and cool when your under six.

 

Especially if it involves Daddy's tools.

Then we took mommy's silverware outside... which I'm sure is where it still is..... and planted....

 They were dirty, sweaty and beaming by bedtime.

Maybe planting sunflowers will become a tradition for us.

Maybe next year we will plant them on time.

Maybe it doesn't really matter what we are doing or when as long as we're doing it together....

All fathers are invisible in daytime; 

daytime is ruled by mothers and fathers come out at night.

Darkness brings home fathers, with their real, unspeakable power. 

There is more to fathers than meets the eye.

Margaret Atwood, Cat's Eyes

12 Weeks, One Day, and One Beautiful Sound...

We went to my doctor's office at eight thirty this morning.

After a long two weeks and much nervousness we got what we had been praying for.

A strong little heartbeat.... 166 beats per minute.

I have so many thoughts and things to record... 

Most of all Tommy and Isabella's reaction.... finally getting to find out about their new best friend coming soon.

But for tonight I'm just going to breathe deep, relax and quietly sift though these many emotions.

 

Thank you for all of your prayers and comments! 

Keep them coming please!

only 28 more weeks to go.....

Time Well Wasted

Am I wasting time on things that don't matter?

Or am I enjoying wasting away my precious time with them?

Do I worry about the things I can't change, the little chores that will need done again in a day or two?

Or do I concern myself with the things that matter most...
the things so far removed from what is here and now...
diapers and tantrums.....
that they are almost impossible to wrap my head around.

The kind of people I want my kids to grow up to be, 

the parents they will be, 

the spouse they will be, 

the friend they will be.

Both I suppose.

I think that would be the honest answer of any mother.

 Someone has to keep things at least sanitary around here right?

Nice to meet you, I am somebody.

But, I must often stop and remind myself that this matters more than laundry,

or dusting,

or mopping,

or a healthy balanced meal.

Did I feed their soul's?

Their constantly growing imaginations?

Their seemingly endless need for love and cuddles and kisses...

If I didn't then the green beans I served them don't matter a bit.

Did I show them how to live life to the fullest today?

Did I call them to the window when the bunny showed up in the back yard?

Did I read them a book or just turn on the tv?

 Did I listen when she told me what was wrong with her baby dolls?

 Did I pay attention to him when he told me about the "bad guys"?

 Did I show them the wonder in God's creation?

Did I tell them again that there is a God who loves them even more than me?

No, a little but not enough..... 

I think if I understand anything about motherhood it is this, 

that even if I do more each day than the day before to mold them 

and teach them 

and love them....

it should still never be enough.

You always wonder if you should have given them more.

And the answer will always be yes, 

and there will always be guilt.

But the beauty lies in grace and the hope for tomorrow.

These kids God gave me show me each day how to love with abandon.

And their love is amazing and ironically selfish.

I guess mine is too in the end.

I want to do for them what they do for me.

Give them a hope, and a purpose, 

and an example of God's love

Fashion Show

We had LJ babysit last night... 

I would like to say that the children did this to her.

I would be strangely proud if they could drive someone insane in just four hours,

I would also feel better about the fact that I'm losing it slowly...

 but no...  she is always this weird.

Those are her little brothers underpants on her head by the way, my mom found them in her driveway and gave them to me.... 

Only a boy would leave underwear in a driveway... 

only LJ would choose to put them on her head, I bet she drove the whole way home like that too.

Thanks for the night out girls!

moving on...

I was looking through pictures for some writing inspiration today and all I could see was this...

My Children.... have stopped wearing pants.

Of course they are pretty young so the blame for this lies with me.... 

I'm going to blame it on potty training.

He is basically done but he still needs to go a lot and putting his pants back on each time seems silly.

He was watching for the ambulance that was going by.

And then for the baby, 

well... I hate doing laundry... 

so if its hot why dress him?

 Yes he is eating the zhu zhu pet...

his name is spotty and he was not harmed in the making of this photo.

He likes to help me put away the steak knives... 

just kidding... 

I only let them do the butter knives till they turn three.

But I exaggerate...

They are not always half naked.

The future generation, 

I need to remember that these two will be taking care of me someday.

I wonder if they'll dress me in weird outfits when I'm ninety and senile, 

and take pictures to put on facebook.....

I guess if I'm being honest I would hope they do, 

I think a sense a humor will be one of the more important qualities I instill in them.

Maybe I'll pretend to be crazy around eighty-five so I can see what they do... 

Is this becoming inappropriate? 

I think maybe.

Ok I'm done now... for now.

Lifestyles of the Young and Shameless

What did I do today?

Today I had to explain to my daughter why its inappropriate to draw pictures of mommy naked.

she patiently explained that she "didn't know how to draw clothes"

And in the drawing I was having a baby so I was "really happy"

Bahahahahaha! 

Oh honey are you in for a surprise.

Tommy told his daddy he would go to work with him and help "get you's all messy".

and he was going to wear his boots... because when you wear boots you mean business.

I overheard Isabella tell Tommy that her bible was "good new"

Guess it doesn't age well?

 I read Tommy three different books about ducks, and Isabella wanted me to read Hebrews.... 

for about one chapter and then she got bored.

Tommy never got bored of those ducks though.

Daniel somehow got his foot stuck under the piano and acted as though it was trying to eat him.

Isabella was once again faced with the sad reality that redbox movies are not here forever.

She cried for a llllooonnngggg time..... it was absurd. 

Drama queen... I'm still mad.

I went to help Tommy go potty and he informed me that

"I have to go bofs (both) mom... get out. I needs pribacy"

I caught Daniel trying very hard to turn on the stove!

I screamed and clapped my hands... he was startled to say the least...

I don't think he'll do that again soon.

Two out of  my three children have a "stomach bug"

Every time Tommy was upset with Isabella for being bossy, or taking a toy... she blamed it on "Diearrha's"

We ended the night with an hour long pillow fight with Daddy.

By bedtime the older two were crying and Daniel was looking back and forth between them confused.

Then he decided to mimic them.

It was loud....

But now its bedtime and all is quiet again, and I'm off to my couch to eat ice cream and put my feet up.

Every night around our house is like being in the eye of the hurricane of crazy... rest while you can.

Knowing, Feeling, Praying

Do you know me? 

If you do you know that patience is not my strong suit.

We went to the doctors yesterday, I am ten weeks pregnant... no heartbeat yet.

He swears this is normal and said I could come back in two weeks to check again,

if we don't get it then I will be sent in for an ultrasound.

I hate waiting.

I hate this horrible place of limbo,

its like a mean joke.

Either you will have a baby in February or you were just sick for the last ten weeks for no reason.

Just to ruin your summer.

Just to let your house fall apart.

Just to exhaust your poor husband.

I should say here that God is in control,

and He is...

I should say that he has a plan and a purpose, 

and He does....

I should say that I have faith that all things will work together for good, 

and I do.... honestly I do.

But right now I don't feel any of that... there is a big difference between knowing and feeling.

I feel scared, angry, anxious.... 

give it to God.

Thanks... not helpful...

see I've been here once, and I did give it to God.

I gave him that grief, 

that pain, 

that loss, 

that baby.

But knowing that we've lost a baby is different, 

its got finality.

I know were to take my suffering,

that I can carry to the cross easily.

But I don't know what to do with this joy mixed with fear.

The anticipation and excitement.... that feels like a little candle cupped in my hands in a storm of doubt.

So I will do what I always do.

I'll keep cuddling my babies and cooking their dinners.

I'll keep laughing at the weird things they say, 

I'll read them the same book three times, 

I'll play the loudest fastest songs I know so they can dance around the kitchen.

I'll fall exhausted into the arms I love every night.

And in between I'll pray like I breathe, 

in and out.

please God carry me, 

thank you no matter what, 

get me to next week, 

hold me together, 

Steady and constant.... like the rhythm of a heartbeat.