Monday, January 30, 2012

A snapshot of my brain... with random photos that may or may not be related in any way.....

I want to use the word "busy" to describe my life lately but that seems silly. My life has been busy for six years.... or at least I thought it was busy before I knew better.

I now know better.

We have hit overdrive here. It just seems now that Vivi is crawling and cruising around, now that Isabella has officially started homeschooling, now that only half of the children nap everyday.... its just never ending.

 Top it off with the fact that Tom has been spending every spare moment he has building a garage for his business and of course there was the usually holiday pandemonium...

well, my sense of normalcy got thrown out back at the end of November with the Thanksgiving leftover's.

When you add it all up and the chaos of a day without Daddy is over you are left with me, sitting in a corner each night looking very unkempt, and watching garbage reality shows on Hulu or weird old netflix movie to try and turn off my brain...
it is stubborn about winding down each evening.

As much as I would like to relax my brain seems to kick on some kind of backwards stopwatch.... counting down the (probable) time until the children will awaken again.
With each tick it reminds me of the things I could be doing to get ahead...

what about that laundry? TICK.
Maybe you should take a look at tomorrows art project? TOCK.
Don't forget you need to get a grocery list together! TICK.
Did you remember to file those assignments and receipts... and doesn't Bella have a quiz? TOCK.
And by the way, some one is going to get the plague from the state of the bathroom....
Also you need some sleep.... only six hours and twenty three minutes till Daniel gets up!!!!

Also as weird side note and to show how nuts I am....
I was informed by my husband (whom I do not get to catch up with often) that Daniel has been getting up and crawling into our bed at three a.m. And these last few weeks I couldn't figure out why he was suddenly taking such good naps... 

apparently it because he is up at three and then again at five at which point he asks Tom every twenty minutes or so if its time to get up yet...

Sadly all I could think at this point was Thank God for a king size bed, and I will sacrifice Tom's sleep if he naps better! Its his sleep or my sanity....

  Anyway. Then before I know it its morning.... and they create more laundry, because Bella wants to change clothes at least three times a day because her socks are falling down, or her pants are to tight, or she just feels like a boy if she can't wear a dress.... she really did say that.

And they don't like the art project, because art IS NOT about being told what to make, as any five year old worth her crayons knows... and anyway we ran out of glue stick because someone (DANIEL) painted the wall with them.

And there are more things to file as soon as I turn around... and I did them wrong anyway... that goes under Automotive NOT tools..... how am I supposed to know?

And the bathroom gets cleaned just in time for someone to miss and someone else to catch a stomach bug... possibly from the prior (and rapidly returning) state of the bathroom... that possibility is now causing guilt about my housekeeping skills....

And with four kids and someone seemingly always sick or teething I will ALWAYS need more sleep.

The clock is lying.... getting "ahead" is pipe dream. So pass the popcorn and be quiet while I watch celebrity wife swap.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Dear Me,

My leader at Weight Watchers (Hi Grace!) asked us to write a "Dear Me" note this week. She handed me a tiny piece of paper and I laughed.... I have much too much to say. So here is my letter to me. Specifically the me of January 1, 2013.

Dear Me,
                If you are reading this we have survived another year. Hopefully we have not only survived but thrived. The point of this exercise is to inspire the current me to lose weight by imagining you. The me I could be in one years time... or at least that's what I have decided is the point.            
                So me... where are we?

                We should now have a six year old, a five year old, a three year old, and a twenty-two month old. And if we haven't driven him away with the craziness then we have been married to the love of our lives for seven and a half years.
                Hopefully we got caught up on the baby books as we said we would. Also we should have finished cleaning out the basement by now. And if the kids rooms aren't painted in a year or less so help me I will just jump through the space time continuum and throttle us.

                 Now lets get down to the tough stuff.... have we lost the fifty pounds we said we would? You know that we are now six months away from the big birthday.
                 My twenty-eight year old self finds it hard to say are staring down the barrel of the gun that says 3-0 on the side. Although I hear when you actually pull that trigger its really just a lot of confetti and confidence with a little flag that pops out and says "BANG".... I have high hopes for our thirties. They must be started out right. With a big victory like this one.
                  Ironically though I am writing to you.... it's really not about me or you, but the person we choose to be everyday in between. If I start to make the choices today to exercise and eat right then I am already the person I want to be. My body just needs to catch up to my mind. We have already lost thirty pounds... that is no small thing, I know.... but really we just have to do it two more times...
                   So I hope that on your anniversary you enjoyed the time with your husband more than the dessert tray, and I hope you felt great in your new clothes. I hope on our birthday you ran around with the kids in the summer sunshine and swam all day and looked great in your bathing suit. I hope on fourth of July you brought healthy food and felt a new kind of independence and freedom. I hope that trick or treat was more about the tricks and less about the Reese's cups... I hope that on thanksgiving you were thankful for staying the course and being at a new all time low weight. And I hope when the holiday smoke clears next year and I catch up with you that we can welcome a new year with a whole new body, lifestyle, and resolution.... after we do this I can't wait to see what we are capable of accomplishing next year.