Monday, December 5, 2011


Dear Tommy, 
                      Today was your fourth birthday. I must say it was not what I had pictured. You were all partied out from yesterday's festivities.... that is a nice way of saying you were a little more than a little emotional all day today. And what should I do? It was your birthday so I let you get away with a lot. By my standard's that is. I am sure you didn't much notice the difference.
                      I had planned to take you shopping all by yourself but you opted to stay at Nana's house. I even tried to bribe you with the dollar store and playing angry birds on my phone. Nothing doing. Even at barely four you know that Nana spoils better than Mommy ever could. 
                      Oh well, I got some Christmas gifts exchanged and thought about you as I shopped... I caught myself humming "Happy Birthday to You" in the produce section. I got you a mini cake for after dinner. I was going to get cupcakes but there was one little spideman cake sitting on the shelf that was just screaming Tommy at me... I thought it would be fun to blow out the candles one more time together after dinner with Daddy. Guess what? One more hitch in my plan. Daddy didn't get home till a half hour past bedtime. So we put Daniel and Vivian to bed early and waited up for him. It was well worth it and you are, as I type this, tucked in you bed with the little magnetic super hero cake topper. 
                      As I sit and go over the day in my head I do remember a beautiful silver lining and as usual it was nothing I planned or orchestrated. I was letting you be  a little selfish with your new toys today giving you first dibs on what you wanted just for today. You had been playing with your remote controlled car for awhile and you knew Bella and Daniel wanted it. You came to me and asked me if you could get more cars for your Christmas gifts. I was confused and asked why and you said so you would have some more to share with Bella and Daniel. You weren't ready to share yet, but you wanted to somehow make everyone happy... it's such a wonderful feeling to see you loving your brother and sisters.... even if the concept of self sacrifice wasn't there just yet.

     I feel like you grew up so much this year. 
You became a big brother again.
You learned to write your name.

You became an ipad addict. You love tofu best I think.

You proved to be the best babysitter in the house. The only one patient enough to hold her through a whole bottle. I should have known, you have always been my cuddler. 

You are still to shy to pray at dinner time.

You finally decided you like to color and paint. 
Your favorite color switched from blue to black this year.
Black reminds you of your Dad. He always wears a black shirt.

You love your "workin boots", just like his also.

You are the pickiest eater ever... payback from my Mother I am sure.

You are so very handsome. I am afraid for your teenage years.
There are already two girls your age who are in love with you.
One even has declared she will marry you.

As much as you love your brother and sister I am sure you could play alone for hours.
I've just never really had the chance to test the theory.

You went fishing with your Dad and little brother for the first time, 
and certainly not the last. You are kind of a natural... you had to show me how to cast.

You fell in love with the ocean this summer. It's an expensive love affair little boy.
But I will do my best to fill your summers and your memories with sun and sand.

More than any of the other kids you love to ride your bike in circles on the patio for hours. 
You go so fast you sometimes end up on one wheel around the bends.

Your doing that in life too. Growing so fast its scares me.
Last night you had a nightmare and I laid in your bed with you for awhile trying to imagine that four short years ago I had yet to even see your little face. The one I now know better than my own. 
I held your hand in mine and remembered doing that in our hospital bed.
I tried to tell myself that it wasn't so much bigger.
I cried a little and I remember now thinking my Mom was weird when she cried over us growing up.
Now here I am. 
I am sad to see you get bigger, but so excited to see what the years ahead hold.
If so much joy and laughter could be ours in just these four short years I can't imagine how our hearts will be able to hold all that we will have in this life together.

Happiest of happy Birthday's baby, 

Love, Mom.

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