Thursday, January 13, 2011

35 Weeks

Today I'm 35 weeks pregnant and that also leaves just 35 days till my due date.
I like when things are easy to remember don't you?
It is snowing again as I sit on the couch under my blanket while the boys are napping and Bella is having a snack and watching a movie.
I understand what people dislike about winter but this is what I love about it.
Its so predictable, so the same. 
We snuggle up, we take better naps (hopefully).
We bake and take longer to make nicer dinners.
After a long, crazy, busy, hot summer...
I'm always ready for a nice snowy stuck inside kind of winter.
Don't worry though, come April I'll be itching for spring.

I'm almost always ready for change, when I get down I like to rearrange the furniture, always have.

It drives Tom insane... but I'm under the impression that is part of my job description as his wife.

The one thing I'm not sure I'm ready for is this baby.

Let's rewind.... when I was Pregnant for the first time with Isabella it was the longest nine months of my life ever. I thought she would never come, and even after she was here I looked forward to every new milestone with an impatient tap of my foot.
I'm really only now getting over that with her as she nears her fifth birthday and I really see how the years have flown by.... and will continue to I'm sure, with or without my input.

With Tommy it still seemed to last for so much longer than just the forty weeks they claimed it to be, but I was busy with Bella and it did go by more quickly, even if it wasn't quickly enough.
I was anxious to see what a boy would be like too.

With Daniel It seemed both slow and fast, I was ready by the end but I enjoyed the months of pregnancy much much more with him than ever before.

This kid... well other that dying to know if its a girl or a boy...I think I'm never going to be really ready.
It's like I know what I'm in for all to well at this point.

I remember.... its only been about 20 months.
Sleepless nights of a newborn, combined with the early mornings of a toddler.
The feeling that I am always holding, shushing, or comforting someone.
The desperation to get out of the house and the inability to find the energy to get them all ready.
Plus if you do get out how do you feed a baby and occupy three other small kids in public?
Cause you know any trip worth taking is gonna be longer than the two hours between feedings.

But lets back up.... I'm not ready to leave the house with four kids yet... not even theoretically.
I was thinking yesterday about our breakfast routine and wondering how I will fit in a feeding around all that chaos.

Sometime between 7 and 8 am.
Hear Daniel calling from his crib and drag myself out of bed.
 Let the dog out.
Fill three sippy cups... find out who wants cereal... who wants graham crackers.... who wants toast?
Change Daniels diaper and clothes....
Let the dog in.
Send Tommy potty...
get out clothes for older children...
help Tommy in potty...
direct Bella to clothes...
direct Tommy to clothes...
help Tommy get socks on...
Get them settled in front of cartoons with breakfast...
feed dog...
attempt to feed self while repeatedly telling Daniel not to dump out his cereal...
I am picturing all this now with a crying baby in the background... oh and I don't get to eat either.

I am overwhelmed.
I know it will work out.
I also know it will be hard.
I know that most importantly within days we will have a new normal...
one in which we can't remember our lives before we had four little demanding bundles of joy.

Not knowing if its a boy or a girl has me thrown for a loop too.
Everyone who knows me well has the same reaction.
"I cannot believe you didn't find out!"

Yup me either.
And as a consequence I have only a bassinet, some white burp clothes and a stack of diaper to show that a baby is coming in a month.
Two large tubs of 0-3 month clothes are waiting next to the washing machine.
one boy and one girl.

I like change... really.
I just also like a plan, I like to know when and how change will come.
 but like they say, if you wanna hear God laugh, tell him your plans....

And I haven't yet gotten my fill of the quiet, slow pace of winter.
I'm excited... but I can wait just a bit longer.