Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Puke on my Shirt, Joy in my Heart

Last night we trekked to the mall to meet Nana for dinner since we knew Daddy would be late.
He is always late when they are working on a roof, for some reason they are always fixing roofs under the threat of rain, and always and hour or more from home.... so I planned ahead for a late night.

I loved seeing their faces light up in awe as they rode around on the Christmas train.... I remember that feeling.

I loved the way Bella told Santa she wants a castle for Christmas...  
and later panicked because she forgot to tell him a dog and a Jesse doll also.

And Tommy said, "I no know....",
Aunt Julie then suggested anything Buzz Lightyear and he shook his head vigorously.

And Daniel just looked offended and confused which is pretty standard for him....
Childhood is magical.
Motherhood is another chance at childhood.
You watch them and remember how amazing and new and infinite it all felt.
Fast forward about twelve hours and I'm awakened suddenly by Bella screaming "help me" and whimpering.

I ran... waddled.... stumbled... somehow make it downstairs
to see her sitting on her bed crying in a major mess of puke....

So we had a bath and some laundry at 2 am and then I made her a bed on the floor in my room.
I didn't want to even think about getting down those stairs again that fast.
Its a science just getting out of bed at nearly 28 weeks pregnant.... ok?
We repeated this scene about every 2 hours for the rest of the night.

Childhood is messy and confusing, when your little and sick you think its forever.
Motherhood is aching to make it all better... for her sake and your own.

So in spite of the midnight madness I still had to get up and take the boys with me to an appointment this morning, I had already canceled once and couldn't again. 
So Bella headed to Nana's with Daddy and the boys and I rushed around like crazy to get out of the house by 8:15... we aren't even ever up by that time normally.

We get there and Daniel is a screaming, crying, shocking mess.
I am mortified, he is exhausted, and loud 
and probably going to be the next one to throw up on me is what I'm thinking at this point.

Tommy is tugging on my pants as I try to fill out some forms while juggling Daniel on my knees.
He is trying to rip the paper, 
grab the pen, 
hit me, 
and if I put him down he runs.

Tommy is saying "mama.... mama.... mama!!!!"
It is like psychological torture.
Like they got together and said,
"Ok... you eat to much and keep her up all night, 
then I'll be really bad at the thing we have to do tomorrow... 
then you ask her a million questions in your hard to understand two year old talk.... 
If we do this right maybe she'll leave us with Nana for the afternoon and we can skip naps and eat candy and watch all the cartoons we want!"

Notice that in my scenario Daniel is the evil mastermind.... that would just be so him....

Anyway back to Tommy and his pants tugging urgency, 
Finally I say "WHAT?!?" in that tone that says I cannot believe this is my life today...
I'm either going to laugh or cry....
or most likely start out laughing and end up crying.

 And he then he looks at me and says, "I wuv you mama."

Normally this would be sweet of course but it wouldn't get to me much... maybe calm me a little.

 But it was what happened next.

The gruff looking receptionist at the desk across from me actually teared up...
and said how sweet he was,
and how much it touched her heart to hear that,
and that you don't hear that everyday.

But I do hear it everyday... I am so blessed to hear that over and over everyday.
To hear "I wuv you."

to hear "mama... I spilled it..."

to hear "He hit me again!"

to hear "mama I need to go potty."

to hear "mama come see what I made for you."

Childhood is fleeting. 
It seems now that it will never end but someday I won't hear these things everyday.
Motherhood is trying to hold on to the joy and memories... no matter what.
When its magical, messy, or anything in between.