Friday, October 22, 2010

In Bloom

This is my One Hundredth Blog Post!
I am going to be painfully honest now....
I didn't think I could stick it out this long, 
its not always fun to document our family.
 
"What did she just say!? She doesn't love her own children!?"
Wait... focus... listen...

Sometimes the day has been so long and so exhausting that the last thing I can imagine doing is going back over it in my head once the children are finally asleep.
 
Some days are just filled up with crying and messes. 
Spaghetti sauce on the wall.
Leaking diapers in the cribs.
Chalk on the dog.
Fingerprints on everything...
the lingering odor of a dirty diaper that you just can't get rid of no matter what you do. 

 And at the end of it all you are left with nothing to show for it.
You yelled to much, 
they fought to much, 
the dog was left outside to long, 
the dinner you "made" was a step above dirt in nutritional value.
and you husband got home late again to see you microwaving making that dinner...
wearing the same thing you went to bed in the night before, but now with more stains and smells.

So what do I want to do when its all over at 8:01? 
When all the children have been cleaned,
kissed, hugged, prayed over, and threatened into silence.
 
I could collapses, and many nights I do.

Or I could come in here and force myself to seek out the silver lining of the day.
To ask God to remind me what was sweet and good today.
Then to polish it with pretty words, funny things they said, and cute pictures....
until it shines bright enough to light up the rest of the bleak picture I've been seeing.
 
Write until I've seen the good parts clearly enough to know that tomorrow, 
when three energetic sets of feet hit the floor, 
I will be dressed,
I will be smiling,
I will be ready to make it a better day.
 
 And part of what makes that day better is the encouragement I get from friends and family and all the other mom's who take any of they're precious time to read my ramblings.
The ones who say, me too.
I agree.
Thanks for the laugh.
hang in there.
 
I thought I was doing this for my kids to have a record of their childhoods someday.
I have a notoriously bad memory and I know someday it will fail me entirely.
I'm serious, I can't remember my own kids birth weights... don't worry I wrote that down too. 

But I've found now that I'm doing it way more for me, and the fact that the kids will hopefully appreciate it all  someday has just become a huge bonus.

I look at the world much differently when I look at as a blog post.
 
Here is what I mean...
I wrote back in August about Tom and the kids planting giant sunflowers even though it was way to late in the summer for them. I knew they wouldn't bloom but they had fun and really... they are 2 and 4. 
They weren't expecting much.
They started as seeds and then moved them outside.

We thought they would get to about two feet tall or so, and then die with the first frost.
But a few weeks ago we realized a few might actually make it to bloom. 
Low and behold, 
what do you know?
Two of them bloomed big bright and beautiful.
Being my pessimistic self, I told Tom to cut them for me before the frost so I could at least enjoy those two.
The rest would die before they could bloom was my reasoning.
I need to just stop talking because apparently God knows more about flowers than I do... 
being the designer and all.
Ok everyone probably knows more about flowers than I do.
 
But wouldn't you know it, they all bloomed.... are blooming still.
I was amazed.
They adjusted, they altered, they changed the plan to accommodate the circumstances.
They were not the six foot tall flowers they could have been, but they bloomed where they were planted 
as best they could.

I hope that is what I'm doing as a mother, I'm not working at a "real" job.
I'm not very involved in church right now.
I sometimes go days without seeing other adults besides my husband.
 
But I'm loving these kids, and helping my husband, and trying to make everyday better than the last.
Make the silver lining outshine the aggravations.
 
Maybe I won't be the person I could have been, someone important in the eyes of the world.
I don't even really worry about that anymore though.
I am blooming right here.