Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Time Well Wasted

Am I wasting time on things that don't matter?
Or am I enjoying wasting away my precious time with them?
Do I worry about the things I can't change, the little chores that will need done again in a day or two?

Or do I concern myself with the things that matter most...
the things so far removed from what is here and now...
diapers and tantrums.....
that they are almost impossible to wrap my head around.

The kind of people I want my kids to grow up to be, 
the parents they will be, 
the spouse they will be, 
the friend they will be.

Both I suppose.
I think that would be the honest answer of any mother.
 Someone has to keep things at least sanitary around here right?

Nice to meet you, I am somebody.

But, I must often stop and remind myself that this matters more than laundry,
or dusting,
or mopping,
or a healthy balanced meal.
Did I feed their soul's?
Their constantly growing imaginations?
Their seemingly endless need for love and cuddles and kisses...

If I didn't then the green beans I served them don't matter a bit.

Did I show them how to live life to the fullest today?
Did I call them to the window when the bunny showed up in the back yard?
Did I read them a book or just turn on the tv?
 Did I listen when she told me what was wrong with her baby dolls?
 Did I pay attention to him when he told me about the "bad guys"?
 Did I show them the wonder in God's creation?

Did I tell them again that there is a God who loves them even more than me?

No, a little but not enough..... 

I think if I understand anything about motherhood it is this, 
that even if I do more each day than the day before to mold them 
and teach them 
and love them....
it should still never be enough.

You always wonder if you should have given them more.
And the answer will always be yes, 
and there will always be guilt.
But the beauty lies in grace and the hope for tomorrow.
These kids God gave me show me each day how to love with abandon.
And their love is amazing and ironically selfish.
I guess mine is too in the end.
I want to do for them what they do for me.
Give them a hope, and a purpose, 
and an example of God's love