Thursday, June 3, 2010

Too Much Information.....

I don't breastfeed.
*gasp!*
I know... I know.... 

I do it for about two weeks max out of sheer guilt and then I let it go....
But first I drive Tom crazy rationalizing 
and explaining why
and crying a little cause I feel guilty.
I think this is mostly  due to hormones because by baby number 3 I had zero intention of breastfeeding
 anyway

But in the end it is just plain complicated and painful, 
and very time consuming,
and they never sleep well for me till they get a bottle.

And all the fanfare about how great it is to breastfeed your babies... 
I'm sure its all true. 
Which is part of the reason I do it the first few weeks.
However I refuse to believe it is as life changing as some people would have us believe.

Smarter?
 I dare you to go into any school and tell me which children were breastfed and which weren't.
Health? 
My kids only get truly sick maybe once or twice a year. (like fever, lethargic sick.)
 I think they get sick less because they are home with me and not in daycare or preschool.
Bonding?
I'll give you this one... but I've seen breastfed toddlers and honestly, I'm not sure I want that kind of clingy relationship with my kids.
Not all.... but many seem glued to there moms.
And I think that using a baby sling with our last little one gave me more of a bond too.

Ok... so I feel like I'm gonna get some hate mail if I don't clarify that I think breastfeeding is great
beautiful,
natural,
all those warm fuzzy things.
And I'm in awe of women who do it for the first months or years.
Seriously I applaud you and on some level I feel you are a better mother than I.

That is the point though... I just couldn't seem to breastfeed and be a good and happy mother.
It seemed I was always feeding her
and then when I didn't have to be feeding her I wanted nothing to do with her because i knew that I was going to have to feed her again in an hour or two.
and the feedings seemed to last forever
and she never seemed satisfied 
and I was in pain constantly...

I guess if bottles weren't an option I would have eventually made it work.... 
but there were no guarantees that we would all survive (sanity intact) until I got the hang of it....

But 
for the love of all that is good and Holy lets stop being so hard on each other and the choices we mothers have to make. 
Seriously it is hard enough to make decisions based on your kids and your husbands well being but when I start to fret about what everyone else will think!? 

I might as well just get back in bed with a couple pounds of chocolate and lock the door.

 ok... so don't judge me and I won't judge you.

Now to the point...
Yes that was just a sideline...

Still with me? Good....

So Isabella has a new cousin who is being breastfed by her saint of a mother :)
Seriously Christi I'm proud of you.

Anyway Bella asked if she could hold her while she was being fed and Christi said,"when she is done eating"
Bella said...." Um.... but where is her bottle?"
She said it without making eye contact... I think she knew it was in some way inappropriate to talk about.

So Christi just says "Laura!?" 

I begin to explain about the baby kittens at Grammy's house and how they were getting milk from there mama. 
She cut me off and shouted without looking me in the eye "ok... ok... I get it!"
She is so cute when she is embarrassed!

End of story? Of course not...
fast forward...
It's Saturday, the neighbors are having a garage sale on  one side, 
the other neighbors are in and out puttering in the yard.

 We were outside with her baby doll and she asked me to baby sit so she could go up and see her Dad in the very back of the yard.
She begins to give me directions about naps and how to hold her and so on... 
then she tells me that she like to eat bellies.
Hmmm... so I begin to explain...."No honey that's not what the baby's do."
And I go into great detail about nipples and bottles and how they look alike and do the same thing to give babies a drink.
She has a very cute "Aha!" moment and then I explain that its not something we should talk about with anyone but mama or daddy.
She says ok and heads for the back yard.

Then she turns and yells at the top of her lungs.

"MAMA? You can feed her from your NIPPLE if you want to!!!!"

*crickets chirping*

.... no sweetie I don't want to... 
I did say she could talk to me about it I guess I should have said "not while we are yelling across the yard."
That's the thing about preschoolers... 
you never know how much explanation is enough... or how much is too much.

This scenario was a little of both I think.
Excuse me now, I'm off to bed with at least a half pound of chocolate.