Saturday, May 15, 2010


I want this blog to be about happy things, mostly the kids and our life together.
I want to talk to other people about what's important to me.
I want to share God's love... 
I know that sounds corny but there is just too much love here for just the five of us.
But the time has come to write about an ugly and scary side of our lives these last few weeks.
My Mom had to have a radical hysterectomy yesterday, 
She has uterine cancer.
Ominous sounding isn't it? 
When I get bad news... really bad news, I get dizzy and my vision gets fuzzy.
That's how I felt when they told me.

If it was "contained" she had a 95% chance of survival.
If it had spread she had a 25% chance.
We had to wait two weeks not knowing,
and then the three hours spent in the waiting room were some of the longest of my life.

But though it all God is good
One week to the day after she was diagnosed I ran into a friends mom,
she had been in chemo the last time I saw her.... very sick... not at all the vibrant woman I had known
now against all odds she is cancer free.

God whispered that he knew my fears...

A few day's later I ran into the pastor from the church where my dad got saved back in October.
Dad's salvation led to both him and my mom getting baptized, something she had simply never done
though she'd been a Christian for many years.

God reminded me that she was His child....

The day before her surgery I saw another woman, someone my husband used to work for.
She too had cancer ,in more than one area, many surgeries, many chemotherapy rounds, and many close calls.
She too is alive and cancer free today.

God put my mom's diagnosis into perspective....

There are so many other ways that God had prepared me for this, and many ways He helped me through it.

Praise God it went wonderfully and the doctors believe the surgery was "curative"
They may do radiation just to be sure she won't have a recurrence.
But we are just thanking God they caught it very early,
they think its gone for good,
and we get to keep our Mama and Nana for a lot LOT longer.

But the older I get the more I'm seeing that nothing is permanent.
Nothing is ever guaranteed beyond this very moment.

My parents,  the ones who have always been there

My little sister and best friend,

My husband, my truly better half.... more like three quarters...
there is way more of him in my heart and soul than there is of me anymore.

My precious, adorable babies who give meaning to every little mundane thing that I do.

All of them are not mine to keep.
God has given them to me for now,
they are his extravagant gift to me.
And someday we will be separated... not maybe... we will be.
Either they will die or I will.
Maybe not for many years... maybe in just a few days.... only God knows.

Does this scare me? Does it hurt? Does it make me lose faith?
Yes it scares me, most everyone is scared of pain.
Yes it hurts, how do you picture life without someone you love?

But faith? I think it gives me a greater faith.
God only asks us to choose Him... to choose to love Him.
He loved us enough to die for us, in our place.

In our place.
So there is death on earth, but because of God's love, if you accept the sacrifice he made.
then there is a new life for you.

I don't see it as a very hard choice to make. I don't want to die, God doesn't want me to die.
But he does want it to be my choice, and I love that about Him.
He knew love couldn't be a reflex, if it were it would matter about as much as blinking.
 Do you ever think about blinking?
See my point?

Love is beautiful because we know that the other side of love is ugly.
Hatred is destructive.
Hating others, hating yourself, hating God.
God wants beauty for out lives.
But he knew there would be no value in love without giving us a choice.

This world is like that waiting room in the hospital, we aren't really living here, this is not all there is.
Choose Him....He's already chosen you.