I'm not even gonna bother with the stats this week... just refer to last week if you want to see because I stayed the same.
I am neither discouraged or motivated. I guess i just feel like I wish I could hurry up and get to my goal already!
Maintaining my weight seems easy.... I wish I was there already!!!
I need a serious shot of motivation, what was i doing this for again? What was it that helped me lose so much weight so quickly before the holiday's?
- I felt weak and frail after having Daniel. There were some complications and I was in bed a lot for about two weeks. I never wanted to feel that weak again.
- I couldn't find any clothes I liked, even if I liked the outfit in theory.. putting it on was a reality check that nothing looked good on me.
- I couldn't keep up with Tommy and Bella. I had zero energy. I got winded doing nothing. My mom had more energy than I did.
- I was embarrassed for my husband... I wasn't the same person he married. The man is a saint and would never say anything like that but i knew it wasn't fair to him.
That is sad to write... I remember what that felt like, it was awful and I will never go back. Now the problem... and the victory :) is that all those things are past. I don't feel weak anymore, I feel much much stronger. Right after i had Daniel I tried to do palates or walk on my treadmill and it was killer. Now the same workouts are much easier. I have way more energy now too. I have lots of clothes i like and I have thrown lots of clothes away that were too big! Of course I still have my days when I like nothing I put on but now its just sometimes, not all the time. And last but not least, I am literally the same person I was when Tom and I got married. I weigh the same now as I did on that May day in 2005 :)
It sounds like I've arrived doesn't it? But I haven't, If i had then I would be content. And I'm not.
- I want to be the same size I was in college when i met my husband, not just when I married him. And I want to wear my favorite "button fly jeans" just once more even though they are thread bare and have 6 patches already. (I could probably be fined for indecent exposure if I wore them in public... it would be worth it!)
- I want to be able to say that no matter what my weight, i am stronger and healthier than I have ever been.
- I want all the clothes in my closet to be one size and I want to maintain that same size permanently, right now I have clothes for now and clothes for later. I hate seeing the perfect skirt on Sunday and knowing it doesn't fit yet. I want to be done with that.
- I want to feel comfortable in a bathing suit.... stop laughing, I think it might be possible.
- I want to have another baby and know when I do that I am as healthy as possible.
- I want (on a slightly silly note) for my belly button to go completely inside out next time I'm pregnant. This probably seems ridiculous but I don't care... its true... its what I want... in my warped little mind it is a sign of "thinness" even in the midst of "hugeness".
So there you have it....wish me luck! I think I'm on the right track now!!!
(my mom just called and I turned down a Big Mac... *sigh* .....)