Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Joy


I've found that when I don't write for a long time eventually its like I get full to capacity of thoughts and emotions and pretty soon I find myself sitting here in the middle of the night...
when I want to be relaxing, 
when I should be sleeping, 
but instead I'm pecking away at these keys... trying to empty my head and my heart of some of its emotion.

Today was a weird day,
I started out truly deeply content and happy with everything that is 
and everything that's on the horizon.
One of the contented sighing kind of moods, like after a big homemade meal.
Where every song that comes on the radio is your favorite and fits your mood exactly.

Then slowly I realize that I'm the only one feeling this way.
That everyone else I love and have spoken to is having an awful time for one reason or another.
And I'm helpless to give them any comfort.
It's like watching a play and every person in it is suffering.
And they don't know the whole story because they are in the midst of it,
but I do because I'm watching it unfold.
I hate when the people I love most are unhappy, 
I dread the day my children are grown mostly because right now their trouble are small and simple,
but I know one day they will be real and I won't be able to kiss them away.
I feel like if I could just show them, just step into their role for just a minute then maybe I could help.
Most likely I couldn't, 
really there is nothing to do but pray and try to keep my joy, and hope that its contagious.

Right now I'm going to try to find joy in these last few days of summer.
He did this on his own :)

I'm going to enjoy a few more dips in the pool before the end of the season, 
and a couple of impromptu trips to the lake.


I'm going to memorize and document and enjoy the cute faces...


and silly things..


and new experiences...


And at the same time I'm going to look forward to camping and bonfires 
and the crunch of leaves under my feet.


to long walks on cool days and seeing the beauty of fall painted across the hills.

that's Nana and Pappy taking the whole neighborhood for a walk.

I'm looking forward to time spent with family
and lots of baking and sweater wearing...
Summer was good, fall will be good too, 
we will find joy in the Lord
in each other,
in the anticipation,
in the little things.

“To love at all is to be vulnerable.
Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. 
If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, 
not even to an animal. 
Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; 
lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness.
But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change.
It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”
~C.S Lewis

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